We must all remember that our words can truly affect someone’s life. We must choose our words wisely and with care. We must teach our children to do the same. We can really have an impact on someone whether or not we realize it. This is Jessica’s story.
Anorexia Ate Me Alive
We all have iconic moments in our lives where our destiny’s change forever. This was one of them. It was like any normal school day, boring, and frustrating. I was eleven, chubby and slightly ginger. Then suddenly this boy came up to me and insisted that I had a fat face. I was silent. Did I in fact have a fat face? And why did he have a problem with it? I was drowning in my thoughts. I was going to prove him wrong I said to myself. Skinny here I come!
Summer was finally here and I couldn’t wait. A whole six weeks where I could just focus on losing weight sounded good to me. I threw myself into any psychical activity I could. Tennis in the afternoons, basketball in the mornings, daily walks and a morning and night time cardio session. Mixed with calorie counting which allowed me to have a daily limit of 800 calories. What could possibly go wrong? I mean I liked to call it just being a healthy individual. Anorexia to me wasn’t even a word so how could it exist and how could I be suffering from it.
Oh how wrong was I. A few weeks in, my wardrobe was basically non-existent. Jeans weren’t an option for me; they no longer made my size. Leggings became my ultimate wardrobe stable. That’s when the smelling started. I couldn’t eat what I craved so I would smell it instead. To me it was the same. Anorexia was eating me alive and it wasn’t going to stop. I had to choose between anorexia and me and quickly.
After this so called realization, I did what any deprived human being would do. Binge and I did a lot of it. But there was no weight gain. My anorexia loved that it could hold be back still even if I wanted to gain weight. I could almost hear it laughing at me. I wasn’t going to let it back in though, I just needed to be patient. And that’s what I did. Within year, my weight and eating habits were back to normal but that wasn’t the end.
Two years, later I was diagnosed with Raynaud’s phenomenon. A disease which affects the blood vessels mainly in your fingers and feet causing them to go white and numb in winter. At this time, my weight had seemed to drop again as well. Upon researching I found out it can be caused by anorexia. But then it also said it could be caused for no reason. I didn’t want to believe that my anorexia caused it but the facts were against me. I hadn’t experienced any real side effects of anorexia since I suffered from it. The timing was beyond weird.
None of it was worth it. Yes, I had proved some dumb boy wrong but I was hurting my body at the same time. I wish I knew what anorexia was and the impacts it can have on your life. It could have prevented so much and made me change the way I thought about satisfying others. I didn’t get this opportunity though and that’s why I’m here writing this. I couldn’t prevent what happened to me but I can prevent it happening to someone else.
I hope you all liked my post and took something away from it, if you’ve been through something similar or are going through something similar, feel free to comment! Or even if you just want to leave your thoughts on this topic, comment!
Hi, I’m Jess, I’m known to be quite obsessed with handbags. So much that I named my blog around it. I’m part shopaholic, part workaholic and I basically live by the quote work hard, play hard. I also love to people watch not in a creepy way though, like in a omg I love your jacket way.
Connect with Jessica at firstname.lastname@example.org
Read hers: thehandbaghoe.com