What Helped Me During My Darkest Days

I started the #BrighteningMyDarkestDays hashtag because I’ve been there. I’ve had my dark days where everything is so dark and everything seems so pointless. I also knew that it wouldn’t last, but I just didn’t know how to get myself out of it. So I started #BrighteningMyDarkestDays in hopes that we could all share what helped get us through it in hopes that it’ll help others through their darkest days.

Let’s help others get out of that funk!!!!

I watched myself get sucked in. It was like watching myself get sucked into a black hole. It’s dark. It’s lonely. It’s a place I never want to be in again. We’ve all had dark times in our lives. Sometimes we just need a little help getting out of it.

What happened?

I had been on medical leave from school for 10 months before I was allowed to take review classes so that I can start the program where I left it. I was attending my classes, relearning, reviewing when I got diagnosed with 4 spinal conditions. My back hurt; I couldn’t sit for too long and I couldn’t stand for too long. And doing household chores became a literal PAIN. A month after the diagnosis, I got into a car accident and even if the car wasn’t totalled… it made my back WORSE! Pain killers became a necessity until they stopped working. I still need them, but my resistance is up. My pain was so bad that I had a hard time at work – I had been helping a previous teacher with her tanning salon. I was in so much pain… it was a miserable time.

I spoke to my doctor and explained to him the situation. I could look at the clock one minute… and forget it within the next – it just wasn’t right. I wasn’t as hungry. I’m constantly tired… *sigh*

He diagnosed me with clinical depression. With my back hurting and my depression, I had to stop working and attending classes. I just couldn’t do it.

I lacked the energy. I lacked motivation. I couldn’t even get out of bed. Everything seemed like a chore and I didn’t see the point.

What helped.

What helped me may be surprising. It sure shocked me but hey… it worked. 

Mr. J got me an Nintendo DSXL for our anniversary (…that’s what I wanted. What can I say? =P) and a bunch of games. I played it all.the.time. Day in and day out. Night after night. I told my counsellor about it. I don’t think she liked it very much that I was spending so much time on it.

CoffeeHeartMind - What helped me during my darkest days

But you know what? I did. It gave me something else to focus on. I wasn’t focus on how miserable I felt. It even got me out of bed. Sometimes it even got me out of the house…. to get more games. I played it so much that I finished a game in 4 days. You can say that I was a little obsessed with my DS. I had something to look forward to. For one month, I played with my DS. I was focused on kicking some butt on every level! I didn’t sleep my days away.

I believe that as long as it helps you, it’s okay. I know that many professionals may disagree with me, But from someone who’s been there, I believe that if it helps you even a little bit it’s okay.


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One thought on “What Helped Me During My Darkest Days

  • Gina T

    I know the feeling, mine started after not being successful in an important licensing exam Twice. The first time I was down and upset with myself but I wanted to keep my head up and make it the next time around. I think my big mistake was not dealing with it then. It kept popping into my mind feeding me doubts but still I pushed on and got ready for my next chance. The second time although there was big improvement I still wasn’t successful and that broke me. I was mad at myself, upset and embarrassed. Again with my doubts I asked myself constantly why wasn’t I good enough, why couldn’t I make this happen. I didn’t want to go anywhere and didn’t really want to talk to people because I didn’t want to answer questions and deal with it. I didn’t want to get out of bed and do anything because my motivation and energy were crap, had to force myself to eat most of the time. Pretty dark time indeed.

    What helped me/is helping me is the little things. Spending time with my sister and nieces and nephews. My niece dragging me to show me something to play something with her. Playing with my little great nephew and getting him to laugh. Starting back in the workforce and feeling like I have some sense of purpose that day. Getting my mind off of it and even getting some perspective by dealing with it a piece at a time. Finding my sense of worth again. I know I have a bit to go in this journey of climbing to surface and at times it still hurts. But coming to the realization that it’s ok to have my moment and then let it go has really a huge weight off of me. It seems that whatever the case finding that thing that works for you and going with it because really only you can tell what is giving you that feeling of surfacing.