Just Because You Can’t See Me Struggling Doesn’t Mean I’m Not


youcan'tseemestruggling

I am in pain
And I struggle everyday.
I constantly argue with myself.

It’s tough to have your mind tell you
That you’re not good enough…
That you’ll never be good enough….
That no one will read this…
(Because noone will care…)
Why would they want to?

Why should you get out of bed…?
Don’t bother doing anything…
You’ll do it wrong anyway.
And then they’ll get mad at you.
Do you want people getting mad at you?

I spend hours going through scenarios
Past’s should haves and could haves.
Future’s what ifs…
Replaying conversations and arguments…
With no control.

I do this many times a day
In bed when I wake
In the shower under the hot stream
While enjoying my coffee
While cooking, watching TV…
In bed while trying to sleep…

I’m tired. Without control.
I want it to stop.
Through all the tears…
I want it to stop.
Why doesn’t my mind just listen?
Not having control over what is going through my mind

So frustrating.
So maddening.
I feel so alone.

I’m struggling… you just can’t see.

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