To my 8-year-old self

It may not seem like it now, but it will get better. Trust me. You just have to stay strong like I know you can. The children you’re going to be surrounded with in the next couple of years just don’t know. I know that it is difficult and that you will cry to yourself quietly during recess and lunch. I know that it is difficult to leave a place you grew up in and move to a different country – but you have to stay strong. I know that in the next school you are going to move to, you’re going to try and fit in, you’re going to be a follower even though I know you hate every minute of it. I wish we both knew better. I know that it will seem like the longest 5 years ever – to be a follower, to try anything just so that you are not bullied, but it will be better.

Something will click after that. You will grow tired of being a follower. You will become independent. And it will feel so good. In high school, you will find people who like you for you. You will dance your heart out. You will choreograph your heart out. You will leave a mark at your school and it will feel great. You will ace your classes without effort. It’ll feel nice but our lessons don’t end there. You will learn that a lot of people just talk. There will come a time in your life when everything changes. Don’t be afraid though. Throughout those changes, we grow. Those changes helped shape us into the woman we are today. You’ll have to grow up quickly – but that’s okay.

I wish we knew back then what I know now. I wish you hadn’t taken that knife to your palm to carve along your palm lines. I wish we wouldn’t have punched all of those walls and mirrors and doors. I wish we weren’t so sad all the time. I wish we weren’t so angry all the time. The therapist will help – she’s awesome. Continue for as long as you need to – you’ll miss her once she’s gone.

I know you’ll want to experiment. But all I would say is dive into your stories. Dive into your books. It’s a great way to escape all the pain. Keep writing. We’ve always loved to write and our therapist helped us truly see that. Reading and writing helps. Never stop.

I know that you are afraid to be alone. Don’t worry. Trust me when I tell you, he’s waiting for you. When you find each other, it will be true.

Love yourself. Please see how beautiful you are. You are smart. You are kind. You are amazing. You are beautiful. Love yourself.


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